Advice

I don’t like fluff, so I won’t subject you to it. I started my YouTube videos four years ago and since the very beginning, I’ve had people write me for personal life help. If you’ve stuck around for a while, you know that I l[o/i]ve to help people. That was the very reason I started my beauty videos. Then people found out how different (read: weird) I am and started asking me about other things: confidence, anxiety, relationships.  I think about things differently and I approach life in the same (sometimes strange) ways that I approach beauty.

You wrote, I responded.  For those of you that have written me for serious advice, you’ve seen my responses. It’s not a one-liner with a trite piece of advice. We dig deep. Some of you have gotten 10+ paragraphs in an email from me. Some of you have gotten phone calls that lasted hours. And then I ask you to follow-up and tell me what happened. If you falter, we start again. Why? Because I care. Why do I care? I don’t know, I just do. I was born to give.

As time has passed, more and more of your messages have come in. There is nothing in the entire world that would make me happier than to be able to help more of you. So, with your words of encouragement, that’s what I’ll be doing. These are some of the amazing things you write me that keep me going:

“I know that many people are grateful to you for sharing your beauty advice (as I am), but I wanted you to know that you impact people’s lives on a much bigger scale. You made me remember how strong I really am and that things do happen for a reason – some things are not meant to be, and there is no point in dwelling on them. You impacted my life as a whole, and I’m not sure how long it would have taken me to realize all this on my own. You did so much with something so simple.”

“I think it always helps to get another person’s opinion, you point out things I don’t see, or don’t want to see. I think in a normal situation I’d probably be wallowing in self-pity that he hasn’t texted me back. But after reading what your message said, I feel so much more independent.”

“…you’ve inspired to me make a change, and to go out and meet some people!!! I am hoping and praying that one day, I get the chance to make a HUGE difference in someone’s life like you’ve made in mine. So, I’ve decided to make it a goal this year to believe in myself…”

“…it’s as if my entire mood did a 180! I want to thank you for that. Thank you for being an immense inspiration. What you do with words, it’s truly amazing.”

“I could not believe how much sense your words made, how stupid I felt for feeling the way I’ve felt for almost a year, and how differently I started thinking about my life and relationships. I have a really strong personality, I don’t break down easily and I work hard for the things I have. But somewhere along the line, I lost myself… and you helped me get that back. I don’t feel depressed anymore, I started working out again, and now I’m focusing on my own life, while not giving two shits (pardon my language) about what my ex does with his. For the first time in almost a year… I feel like ME again.”

“Since day one you’ve called me out on my bullshit by saying things that my friends and family never have. I needed to recalibrate my life because I was putting value where it didn’t belong and my insecurities and lack of self-trust were getting the best of me. I would allow people to walk all over me and dictate my life; it came down to fear, it’s a scary and debilitating thing. You’ve taught me to not act from a place of fear, to be my own reference point, to step outside my comfort zone and most importantly to embrace change. Accepting change means having to be uncomfortable and thanks to you I welcome it with open arms. Thank you for teaching me how to be discerning about who stays in my life and who goes; thank you for being the light (Nur) in my life and enriching it.” 

For more technical stuff, like interviews or school advice:

“Thank you so much for all your help and suggestions -they were fantastic! I have corrected my application and just sent it! I will definitely keep you updated on how things turn out!”

“Printed and made several copies…I’m in school right now doing my pre requisites. Thank you for sharing your tips! It already helped me and it’s only been a week. Thank you! :)”

“You are a life saver. Thank you for responding. I was in panic mode and…you have helped me more than people I’ve known for decades. I’m looking forward to reading your college blog! Thank you so much again!”

 

I want to laugh, cry, clap and jump with glee. All at once, like an idiot. But before that, I want to address some questions I made up, so it’s like me having a conversation with myself, but it’s supposed to help you. Yeah, read on:

What are your credentials? I am NOT a psychiatrist, psychologist, life coach, counselor, doctor, magician, psychic, attorney, Sigmund Freud, or a messiah. I’m quite simply a girl with a very curious mind. I’ve screwed up in life and I will continue to screw up in life. I don’t, however, make the same mistake twice. I dissect the crap out of things to make sense of them. I’m interested in people. I spent a majority of my childhood in dead silence watching people, listening to people and trying to understand people.

Why are you charging for advice now? I thought about this for a long time. I share a ton of free advice. Between my videos, my posts, my Snapchats and everything else, there is a lot out there. Yet, I still get requests for more personalized advice. I get it. And I want to help. Time is a limited resource and I don’t seem to have much of it these days, but I absolutely love, love, love spending one-on-one time with you. It is unbelievably rewarding to help other people heal and I want to do it more often. Attaching a cost to it heightens accountability for everyone. I can spend my time developing a game plan for you, and then you follow-through (because one would hope you wouldn’t spend your money on something and let it go to waste.) You’d be surprised how paying for advice to not text your ex actually makes you stop yourself from texting your ex. You value what you invest in.

How much does it cost? $199 for an hour. It’s a phone call. Talking through things is far more productive than email.

What can I ask you about? A lot, but not everything. I will only help where I can. If I don’t believe I’m your best resource, I will tell you and hopefully redirect you to an alternative. Everything in the list below is something that I’ve helped someone with in the past. The list underneath that is stuff that other people do better than I. If you’re not sure about your situation, ask me.

What I Can Help With:

  • Getting over a break-up
  • Confidence
  • Social Anxiety
  • Jealousy/Insecurity
  • Betrayal
  • Forgiveness
  • Public Speaking
  • Interview Prep
  • Workplace Dynamics
  • Friends
  • Texting (yes, people have sent me screenshots and asked me how/if to respond)

What I Can’t Help With:

  • Relationships- this one is tricky. If you aren’t sure if you’re in a good relationship, I can help you sort that out. If you don’t know how to deal with family, friends or society in regards to your relationship, I can help with that. If you want him to propose within the next 3 months, I CAN’T help with that.  There are a lot of people who make relationship advice their primary focus and would give far better advice.
  • Finding a place to bury a dead body (ask Siri)

 

What do you get? My insight. It’s unbiased, it’s raw and, most importantly, it’s unorthodox. I can’t promise I’ll fix the problem, but I can give you effective tools to move forward. Our discussion is a two-sided dialogue: you tell me what’s going on and I’ll ask questions. I will never tell you what to do; my advice is mere suggestion. Your level of commitment is up to you. I don’t believe in ambiguous and vague guidance. You always get an action plan from me that says exactly what to do. Because I’ll get to know about you and your environment, I can be specific in my recommendations. This is the heart of what I’m able to offer here that’s different than the general advice I give in videos and posts. Tailored advice unique to your situation with a well-defined action plan. I do not impose my beliefs on you or your circumstance. If you are a Muslim girl in love with a Jewish boy and your parents disapprove, I too become a Muslim girl in love with a Jewish boy with disapproving parents. I solve the issues as I would if I were you, not as a person with my personal values and inclinations in your situation. There’s a difference.

What’s the process? First step is to send me an email at nur(at)nurberxo.com with the subject: Personal Advice. If I feel it’s a situation I can genuinely help with, we’ll talk about your situation (whatever it may be) and we’ll discuss a plan of action. If we both think that working together on your issue is a good fit, we can then plan our correspondence accordingly. If you’re not sure about something, just ask me! Please note: You must be at least 18 years old. 

=)